The Great Friend Divide

Friendships—the right kind—light up life

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Conversations about loneliness, and its impact on health as well as happiness, were all over the place during the pandemic—in news reports, health coverage, advice columns, and, yes, people’s chatter. Sitting home alone was trying, to say the least. But the return to normality has not eclipsed the conversation—and the reality—of loneliness for many people. Even the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D. addressed it, admitting to having had a bout of it himself.

The latest reports show that some 35% of people over age 65 do feel socially isolated, a big number in that there are 65 million people in that age group. It’s surprising, then, to find that much younger people, ages 16 to 24, are twice as likely to be lonely as are older adults. But then again, those are years of such vulnerability and lack of confidence it really shouldn’t be a surprise. And older adults have secured many good feelings about themselves over a lifetime of activity and accomplishment.

The real issue

So … what is the real issue here, the resolution to loneliness? I would like to nominate friendship as the focal topic of this discussion. Friendship is a big part of the foundation for social interaction, mutual appreciation, comfort and being cared for, including loved. However, advancing age brings about a reshuffling of friendships for just about everyone. Just think about the abrupt changes life heaps on older adults—spouses and friends dying, neighbors retiring to warmer climes, kids following jobs to another coast, and more. It’s not like the old days when raising children meant meeting and bonding with lots of other parents, and on the job, having plenty of like-minded workmates to befriend.